Kim has not seen this movie and knows nothing about it.

            This was the first action/adult movie I remember seeing, but I could be wrong. This film was a genre of early seventies disaster flicks like Airport, Earthquake, and The Towering Inferno. Big stars, underwhelming scripts, and people attended these in droves. I now think I saw Airport before this.

            The SS Poseidon is a passenger liner traveling from New York to Athens, which is possible today. This is the ship’s last voyage. Leslie Nielsen 1.0 is the captain of the ship. He played serious roles until he reinvented himself with the parody Airplane (followed by others) in 1980.

            The story jumps back and forth between the banter on the bridge and the introduction of the passengers. Ironically, the two leading men in this movie had both won Best Actor awards: Ernest Borgnine in Marty (1956) and Gene Hackman in the previous year’s The French Connection. Perhaps because of their characters, we will not see those skills here. They yell at each other often. All the men have those seventies sideburns, too.

            Drama on the bridge continues with the owner’s representative playing the ‘heavy,’ an annoying ten-year-old (I would guess) kid named Robin on a promised tour, a pump malfunctioning in the engine room, and an underwater earthquake. Hackman’s Reverend Scott is a renegade pastor. He is loud and opinionated and always in someone’s face. At this point, Kim is struggling to stay awake.

            The setting is New Year’s Eve, with a big party in the ballroom. A massive tidal wave hit the ship broadside when the clock struck twelve. The ship flipped over, and we lost touch with the captain and bridge, who were presumably drowned. Up until this point, the movie is very s-l-o-w.

            The fifty-year-old special effects and sets are not horrible. In the ballroom, everything is upside down. Passengers hang from tables secured to the floor, which is now the ceiling. Kim thought this was realistic enough. She said, “This is why I will never go on a boat.” There goes that cruise I was planning—not.

            Roddy McDowell of Planet of the Apes fame plays crew member Acres on the lower deck, which is now above the ballroom. Reverend Scott decides the only way to freedom is up, supported by Robin, who thinks he knows the ship better than the captain. A large, toppled Christmas tree is lifted and used as a makeshift ladder to climb up. Nine passengers join Acres for their journey upwards to the hill of the ship.

            The rest of the film has four themes. First, the ten-pack’s hopeful climb to rescue. Second, Reverend Scott and Borgnine’s ‘Rogo’ (a hard-ass cop) endlessly at each other, which grows tiresome. Director Roger Neame had the good sense, number three, to feature a bountiful supply of cheesecake and great legs to keep male viewers interested. Fourth, the party of ten slowly begins to die off as the film continues.

            Pamela Sue Martin plays Robin’s sister, Susan, and Carol Lynley, who was a singer entertaining people before the boat accident. Both are in hot pants. Stella Stevens is Rogo’s wife, Linda, a former prostitute, who must climb the tree and spends the rest of the movie in her husband’s button-down shirt and panties. Hey, sex sells. Eleven-year-old Cary may have dropped his Sno-Caps candy at the Marquette Theater when he saw her climbing up a ladder on the ship. I cannot tell a lie; I enjoyed the view then and now. Stella Stevens did not get this role as she was expected to be the next Meryl Streep.

            Shelly Winters, who plays Mrs. Rosen, had been cheesecake of her own earlier in her career. She plays the matronly wife of Jack Albertson. There is frequent discussion about her weight, which would not fly today. Stella made a comment to Shelly about getting stuck ahead of her in a tight passageway that made Kim laugh. Nonnie pairs off with an older bachelor, played by genteel Red Buttons, who takes care of her.

            A moderately dramatic scene is when they all must swim into the next room. Reverend Scott goes first, and Mrs. Rosen comes to the rescue when he does not return. Oddly, she still wears a medal around her neck as the winner of the “underwater swimming champion of New York City.” That was so ridiculous, it was entertaining. Kim thought about this time, thinking we may have watched it years ago.

            There are explosions inside the ship, and we lose a member of the cast every time that happens.

            I do not do Spoiler Alerts. No way. Some survivors make it to the ship’s hull, where the steel is thin. They bang on the ‘ceiling’ (hull), and someone just happens to be there. Wow! Kim incredulously exclaims, “How did they know they were right there?” A blow torch cuts a hole, and those who made it climb out and fly away on a helicopter. I wonder aloud, “Might there be anyone else left on this ship?”             Kim’s review: “It was interesting; you knew they were going to be rescued.” She gave it five stars out of ten. It’s on Amazon Prime for $3.99; you might wait to catch it for free…

R.I.P. Gene Hackman